Power Rankings: Division Edition

It takes a certain type of psychopath to sit at home and write sports blogs thinking that people give a shit what they have to say. Talking about people they've never met, concocting opinions about things they are mostly made aware of through intermediaries, because these things matter to them.

Whether I fall into that category is neither here nor there. Like I always say, being normal is boring. Sometimes you need to spice things up a bit. And when you're tired of writing Jets blogs because people get the point by now, it's time to go to ole reliable. The PB&J of blogs if you will; power rankings.

You can power rank anything and spark up a conversation. Talking about your favorite restaurants? Everyone's cordial discussing which is their favorite and which ones are fun and cute until a "alright let's rank them" gets tossed out. Now it's war. You think the cheeseburger at Au Cheval was better than Bad Wolf? Jenna's cat claws just came out. The rooftop at Cindy's was cooler than LondonHouse? Jamie's pissed.

If you're from Chicago you probably got worked up just reading that, which makes my point. So in the spirit of discussion, let's power rank the eight divisions in football (as currently constructed).

8) NFC South

I won't spend much time here; the NFC South has the two worst teams in the NFL. Remember when the Saints won their first two games by 100? That was life times ago. The Panthers are the worst team to grace a sports field since the Bad News Bears. The Bucs are a scrappy bunch, but without their two best weapons (which they don't have) the threat they pose is weak. The Falcons should win this division, but I won't go as far as to say I'd be nervous to play them. Two really bad teams and no really good teams is the formula for being the worst division in football....a spot this division is used to being in.

7) AFC East

Who saw this coming? One of the preseason juggernaut divisions (minus the Patriots) have fallen flatter than Stanley so far this year.

The Patriots are as bad as everyone thought they'd be. No weapons, no blocking, no fun to watch play offense (we may have our future QB though *eyes emoji*). The defense that could've been good is belittled with injuries and is no longer good, and the only thing keeping me from pretending they aren't playing football this season is said potential future QB.

The Jets are, well, just read my last two blogs. The Jets are laugh out loud funny and the main cause of my happiness so far this season. A win against Houston doesn't change that.

Tua's return is the only reason I don't put this division in the eight spot. Now I have trouble comprehending how Tua is the hand of God and lifts this team that without him is worse than the Toledo Rockets to the high flying explosive offense I picked preseason to run through this division, but I guess he's that good. And since I'm viewing this as how teams currently look, the prospect of the Dolphins being back in relevancy with their QB behind center is enough to vault them ahead of the daunted NFC South.

6) AFC South

This division easily could've been 8th. The Titans have too much talent to be the worst team in the league despite their continued efforts to prove that statement wrong. Now they're getting rid of that talent. The Jags are frauds just as I said they'd be with their overrated QB. The Colts have turned to 62 year old Joe Flacco in hopes of turning their season around, and while I agree he gives them the best chance to win, I'm not putting my faith in him catching lightning in a bottle two years in a row.

The Texans being as good as they are is the reason this division snuck up to sixth. I know they just lost to the Jets and Steph Diggs went out, but when Nico comes back next week they'll be the same roster as last year, plus Tank Dell, that made a playoff run. They have a top tier QB and a stingy defense that can hang with anyone, and I like them again come January if the roster stays in tact. A top tier team and a playoff contender is similar to the AFC East, but this playoff contender has more than two wins.

5) AFC West

I already heard you mutter it. "AFC West? There's three teams above .500 in that division". Shut up, make your own list. The Chiefs and Raiders are self explanatory for their own and polar opposite reasons. Most divisions have a good and bad team, but separation comes in the middle.

Are you here to tell me I should be scared of the Chargers? The team that's only scored more than 15 points against a team with more than 2 wins once this year? The team who's WR1 is someone who sounds like he's first chair in a bagpipe quintet? The team that didn't score a second half TD from week 1 to week 8? Yeah, so afraid.

The Broncos are my pride and joy this year. My underdog long shot playoff pick, Denver is one game away from cashing their season win total over and are currently sitting in the 5 (!) seed in the AFC. But no one has watched Bo Nix play anyone besides Carolina and thought he looks great. Good, sure. Has moments, yeah. But not great. I'm not a believer yet, and while I'll stick with my playoff prediction, I'd be lying if I thought anyone would be sad to see the Broncos as their Wild Card Weekend matchup.

4) NFC East

Now things are getting spicy. If you haven't been able to tell, my algorithm knocks bad teams slightly more than they bolster good ones; depth is important. So while the top half of this division is better than the top half of a notable division I haven't mentioned yet, the bottom feeders bring it down.

If the Cowboys wore any other helmet we'd consider them a bottom 10 team in football; I do anyway. I'm not getting sucked into Jerry's media vortex, the Cowboys stink. They've already played the sorry Giants and won by 5, so that's their equal, and I don't want to waste anyone's time talking about the Giants. These two teams are bad enough to keep this division in the four spot.

The Commanders are a great story, but neither you or I are calling them true Super Bowl contenders just yet. If Sunday's Hail Mary wasn't answered, they'd be 1-3 against teams .500 or better this year. Lucky for them, they only have 4 more games against teams that fit that mold the rest of the way, so they certainly seem playoff bound. But call me crazy for thinking that run will be short lived.

I just haven't been able to brush off last year's stench with Philly. I know the roster is loaded, the offense is looking better and the defense has kept opponents under 20 in four of the last five weeks, but they still scream pretender to me. I'm not the biggest Jalen Hurts believer, but with everyone healthy he shouldn't need to be superman. Something still feels incomplete with this team.

3) NFC West

I'm well aware this is an egregious ranking for a division without a single team above .500. But like I said, this is my list, and in my list, depth matters. While there isn't one juggernaut like most of us thought in the Bay, there's no weak spot either. Only three divisions in my mind can say that; the three that have yet to be revealed.

I'm an SF truther. I want this team to win a Super Bowl so badly, and while my emotions may once again be leading me astray, I still think they can. Seattle is dangerous, and can look anywhere from elite to pathetic any given Sunday, but can beat anyone. LA is back to full strength, and with that becomes an immediate dark horse like we saw last year. And the Cardinals are in first place, who'd a thought. This division has four teams that can win it, be above .500, and make a playoff run. That carries weight in my eyes.

2) AFC North

I know the records may not say it, but I don't believe there's any truly bad teams in this division. Now that DeShaun unfortunately but fortunately got injured, the Browns instantly look to be a competent football team again. Whether that was a one game bump will be answered shortly, but regardless if them winning football games continues, there's no doubt they'll be more competitive.

The Bengals team and offense in particular rides or dies with Tee Higgins' availability. They're 3-2 with him, averaging 29 PPG, and 0-3 without him, 17 PPG. That's not a nothing sample size. The defense is the true crux of this team's issues, but assuming Tee can play the majority of the season here on out, and their defense can play even a little better, this team will be live against anyone.

I almost wrote a whole blog apologizing to Mike Tomlin for doubting him, and still might if they keep winning. With mediocre QB play they were 4-2, and now Russ appears to have something brewing. The moon ball is so back, and he has George Pickens fully bought in and interested in football. That itself is a win, but with that defense behind them, mistake free football is all this team needs to win games.

Baltimore is weird. They're awesomely entertaining, dominate for the majority of most games, yet every third week find a way to blow a fourth quarter lead. I won't take the Browns loss too much to heart, but it is odd how they can't buck the trend. Regardless, they'll be there when it matters. Their season starts in the playoffs, and everyone knows it. I love the Dionte Johnson pickup.

1) NFC North

In a list full of tough decisions, this wasn't one of them. The NFC North is on its way to being one of the best divisions football has ever seen.

The clear cut worst team in the division is a crowd taunting-less Hail Mary defense away from being 5-2, with a QB who's still getting his feet wet in pro football. The Vikings are not the frauds many thought, and Sam Darnold's resurgence is one of the coolest and most surprising stories of the year.

The Packers and the Lions are a package deal. They can both run the ball at will, have a plethora of weapons who their star QBs can throw to, often looking like it's backyard recess. The Lions have the slight edge on defense thus far, but both units are playing well. And they're in my opinion the two favorites to come out of the NFC at this point. I can't wait for Sunday afternoon.

Congrats if you made it this far without getting mad enough to close your browser. Remember that rankings are supposed to be fun, cause everyone has different opinions, and just because that opinion is different doesn't mean it's wrong or stupid. Now I'm getting philosophical, time to go.