NFL Week 14 Six-Pack - Vikings Get Their Flowers, Josh Allen Gets The Joe Burrow Treatment, and The Chiefs Have Summoned The Elderwand

It's been a while since I've done one of these, but with so many storylines to touch on, I couldn't narrow down to one. So for most likely my lone six-pack of the season, let's crack a cold one and get into all things Week 14,

Packers/Lions

Last year I wrote Dan Campbell Is Off His Rocker. And I Love It. One year later, in the aftermath of this game on Thursday night, I think I could've written a word for word repost without even reading the old one.

This dude is a complete lunatic. Going for fourth down FIVE times this game, including once at their own 31 with a 3 point lead, the Lions and Danny Boy continue to be the best show in the NFL.

As I said a year ago I'll say again. I got nervous after watching that game. I got nervous the careless aggressiveness will come back to haunt them in the biggest moments. That the emotions, which there are plenty of in that man, will supersede the logic when it matters most. And the Lions may die by the very thing that brought them out of oblivion.

And to my caution I say fuck you. The Lions have ascended to where they are now because of the aggressive nature Dan Campbell brings to the building every day. The confidence he's instilled in Jared Goff and that offense, turning them into the most prolific unit in all of football, started from these fourth down calls. Jared's praise for his head coach always starts and ends with how much he appreciates the confidence he has in them, and that every player on that offense wants the ball in their hands in those situations.

So if the Lions were to face a similar fate as last season, they can and should live with it. Go out your way. Play your style of ball. Nobody's perfect, but this team isn't scared, and neither is their coach. They aren't scared to go down in flames by not kicking a field goal and taking the lead with 40 seconds left with their opponent out of timeouts, risking the chance of not getting it and most likely losing. They came here to win. And almost every almost game this year they've done that.

I'm scared shitless for what this team might do in the playoffs. But I'm tuning in regardless.

Falcons/Vikings

It's amazing how little credit Sam Darnold and the Vikings continue to get. The team everyone and their mother, including me, picked to be last in the division is 11-2 and very much in the mix for the one seed in the NFC.

Yet you hear crickets about them.

ESPN doesn't talk about them. They're a footnote in the national media. But the loaded offense I talked about being injured in my NFC North Preview is back healthy, and after getting through a brutal Q1 schedule, this team has kept the wheels turning and is as dangerous as any.

I didn't see the Sam Darnold seventh year bump coming, but boy has it come. Darnold is 6th in yards, 3rd in TDs, 7th in completion %, and 3rd in QB rating.

Wtf??

Half of his 10 interceptions came in a two-game span (both of which the Vikings won - he hasn't thrown one since), otherwise he'd likely be in the top 10 of QBR too. So not only is he playing better than anyone expected, he's playing QB better than almost everyone in the league. Pro Bowl Sam here we come.

It brings up an interesting dilemma for Minnesota in the offseason, as they were supposed to turn the franchise over to JJ McCarthy. Idk how you can let Sam walk with the way he's orchestrating this offense, which he would cause you know someone will pay him. We'll see how the rest of this season turns out. But I for one am fully on the Sammy D bandwagon.

As for the Falcons, what a joke this team is. I wish this was a home game so I could make a Magic City joke, but their secondary looked like it ate some magic mushrooms before this game, summed up by this play.

If you didn't laugh at that you're an idiot. Justin Jefferson and Jordan Addison, who's quickly becoming one of the better WRs in football, torched the secondary to the tune of 265 yards on 15 catches (on just 19 targets). You're always going to give up some yards to those guys, but the defensive breakdowns were rampant in this game, a game where Atlanta's offense kinda sorta-ish showed up??

Speaking of which, I could've written an entire blog on Kirk. You hate to see a QB lose his touch so quickly, but much like Aaron Rodgers, turns out a torn achilles in your late 30s is a bonafide wrap on your career as we knew it.

It's sad watching Kirk throw the ball, like watching your grandpa try to reach for the whiskey on the top shelf and knocking over the entire display cause he lost two inches of reach with his hunched back.

The ball is wobbly, there's ZERO whip to it, and he's a traffic cone in the pocket, stuck in quick sand until he's about to get hit and throws a prayer to double coverage hoping for a miracle.

No play he made was as sad as the out-route pick six against the Chargers that saw the ball floating threw air at 1.6 MPH, but it's so clear he's not the same QB he was in Minnesota. He put up a fight, but the offense that's struggled with turnovers all year got their hand caught in the cookie jar yet again. If it wasn't for their remaining schedule I'd say their season's over, but they have some very winnable games down the stretch.

Jets/Dolphins

Speaking of broken QBs who now stink, Aaron Rodgers played his best game as a Jet! Yea! 339 yards! Everyone's excited!

Don't worry they still lost in another 4th quarter choke job, with Aaron Rodgers boneheadingly throwing a back shoulder fade with 1:02 on the clock instead of running literally any play in bounds to keep the clock moving when the Dolphins had no timeouts and giving the Jets a chance to win the game. Instead, The Jets made the kick and the Dolphins used that extra 35 seconds to march themselves into field goal range, tie the game, get the ball in OT and waltz 70 yards for the win. Even in their 10th loss of the season I still find the Jets hysterically funny.

But I'm bringing this game about to talk about the Dolphins, and how I was right about them being a juggernaut in my preseason predictions.

The Dolphins with Tua are a different beast. If it wasn't for Tua being injured and missing a quarter of the year, this team would be live in both the playoffs and the AFC East. I think they'd have won all three games they lost when he was out, and if true they'd be just one game out of the division and firmly in the five seed.

If they beat Houston this week I think they run the table. I'm not confident they will, but I'm calling my shot. I'm so bummed this team was derailed the way they were, cause I stuck up for them. And I know deep down I was right. So I had to give myself a quick pat on the back.

Bills/Rams

Josh Allen is the MVP on the NFL and I will hear no rebuttals. I don't even know how you could make one.

This is the second week in a row he's made NFL history, last week with the passing/rushing/receiving TDs, and this week being the first player since Otto Graham in the 50s (so basically ever) to throw for 3 TDs and rush for 3 TDs in a game. And he's the first QB ever to notch 6 TDs and no turnovers and lose.

Welcome to the world of Joe Burrow, Josh. Everyone who's proclaiming Josh MVP after that performance should read my blog on Joe Burrow from two weeks ago again and remind themselves how crazy it is that he's not only not in the MVP race, but hardly even in the playoff hunt (for the record Josh was my MVP before this game).

This was an insane performance by an insane player, and to be clear, better than any game Joe's played this year. The Bills defense couldn't stop a nose bleed, and after the punt block TD by the Rams, Josh and the Bills were playing from behind the entire game. Every time they stepped on the field they knew they needed to score, and from the mid third quarter on, they went 4/4 on TD drives.

The only mistake this offense made was listening to Sean McDermott or Joe Brady's play call to run a sneak with 1:06 left and burn a timeout, essentially leaving the game up to an onside kick instead of allowing your defense a chance at a three and out, which they got, but didn't matter cause they ran out of time. That decision to sneak was coaching malpractice that deserves more criticism that it's getting (and it's getting a lot) and is one of the few reasons to be weary of this team in the playoffs.

Which brings me to the Rams, one of the most fascinating and exciting teams in football. When they click on offense it's poetry in motion, and up there with the Lions as the best units in the game. Puka Nacua is a top 5 WR in football, please argue me. Cooper Kupp is maybe the best second option in the NFL, and when they get Kyren and the run game going, you get what happened on Sunday.

The reason the Bills had to score everytime is cause the Rams scored everytime, on an underrated and overperforming Bills D for most of the year. They punted once before the final play, and I truly think if Sean McDermott's brain didn't mush on the sneak call and the Rams had to pick up that first down, they would've.

The defense on the other hand is a mess. They got torched by Philly a few weeks back, got torched again Sunday, are 24th in scoring defense and 27th in total yards allowed. So while I hope they make a run to the playoffs for entertainment value alone, until they fix the defensive side of the ball, this team is going nowhere.

I wonder who predicted their defense would fall off this year.....

Seahawks/Cardinals

Sticking in the wild wild NFC West, the Seattle Seahawks (huhhhhh??) have ripped off a four game win streak to take firm grasp of the division. Out of absolutely nowhere.

And it's for the most part due to their defense. All hail Mike McDonald. I thought that was a home run hire when it happened, and he's certainly living up to the bill ever since their bye week.

Since the bye week the Hawks are 4-0, including three in division, are giving up 15.5 PPG, and only one game over 20 which was to the Jets of all teams, where they pitched a second half shutout on the road in the Meadowlands.

JSN has officially taken the WR2 role from Tyler Lockett, and half the time plays like the WR1. This offense is loaded with talent, and have a very formidable one-two punch in the backfield. If the defense keeps up their play, this is a team you don't want to see in the playoffs in a year a lot of people saw them falling off. They still have a gauntlet to go through, so don't count your chickens too early in the PNW.

The Cardinals don't deserve my time, and they certainly don't deserve yours. It was fun while it lasted.

Chargers/Chiefs

I've convinced myself that Andy Reid sent an intern to Hogwarts to mend together the snapped-in-half Elderwand Harry broke in the last scene of Deathly Hallows pt.2. Nothing else explains this season.

Not once, not twice, but thrice have the chiefs played the last minute of a football game with a field goal as the likely decider. The first was a blocked Denver kick in which the Broncos O Line was clearly under the Stupify spell, as they were rendered unconscious at the snap of the ball and were bulldozed over for an easy block.

The second was the Raiders game, where the center snapped the ball early to Aiden O'Connell on the penultimate play as Vegas was in field goal range, resulting in a KC fumble recovery. A clear use of the Expelliarmus charm on AOC.

Then came Sunday, where the Chiefs and Pat Mahomes orchestrated a nauseating and methodical 14-play drive to give the Chiefs a chip shot FG to win. Backup kicker Matt Wright snap hooked it left, but worry not. Someone in the back right corner of the endzone used the Accio spell to bring the ball directly too them just as it was reaching the goal post, just in time for the ball to ricochet off the upright and fall threw for another Riddikulus walk off victory for the Chiefs.

How else can you summarize this Chiefs season without mentioning magic? How they can continue to win these one score nailbiters despite not playing well enough to deserve nearly any of them? The Elderwand "grants its wielder immense magical abilities, making them virtually unbeatable". Does this not sound like Kansas City?

Whether it's magic or not, I'm sick of this team. I don't even know why I watch, why I think that maybe this will be the week they lose. What a waste of time. Please, please don't make the Super Bowl.